Bedtime Goddess Cuticle Custard

$ 20
In stock (34 units), ready to be shipped


Aroma Description:

An evening stroll through the woods. You arrive at the edge of a clearing just as the last light of the day fades into violet dusk. Purple heliotrope, soothing chamomile, and fragrant lavender peek between the tree trunks, and a carpet of soft moss beckons invitingly; the perfect place to sit and rest awhile.

The rational part of your brain screams, Are you out of your MIND? First of all, this is the forest, there are wild animals out here. This is neither the time nor the place for a nap. Second, this whole setup screams horror film—who’s to say there isn’t an axe-wielding madman lurking just on the other side of those trees, waiting to prey on suckers who wander into the woods after dark?

The romantic part of your brain purrs, It’s so inviting. Why not stay?

Which voice should you trust?

A figure emerges from the trees at the other side of the clearing. Oh, shit. It’s the axe murderer. As you wait for your fight or flight instinct to kick in, your brain registers that the figure is a woman. (Axe murderess? Let’s not be sexist, after all.) She beckons—and the romantic in you wins out. Cautiously, you step into the clearing, unsure of what to expect.

The woman, tall, serene, and clothed in robes of deepest purple, smiles and gestures for you to lay down. As you stretch out on the cool, springy moss, recognition dawns on you: she is Breksta, the goddess of twilight and dreams, who stands guard between sunset and sunrise. You’re safe here. Calm washes over you as you close your eyes and sink into a dream.


Meet Cuticle Custard!

Oh. My. God.

Whose hands are those?

They CAN’T be mine, can they?

If you woke up one morning and realized that you have the hands of an 18th century washerwoman, you need Cuticle Custard™, ASAP.

Cuticle Custard™ helps erase the damage that COVID did to your hands, as if all that sanitizing and handwashing never happened. (It did. Keep up the good work, please and thank you.)

12.8x thicker than regular lotion, Cuticle Custard™ is a naturally scented, PH-balanced, bona fide wonder cream. Jojoba oil, aloe vera, and glycerin help lock in moisture, while Vitamin C nourishes your cuticles from the inside. A small dab of custard on each fingertip is enough for all-day, skin-loving goodness, even in high handwashing situations—so you can say buh-bye to frayed and crunchy cuticles.

Your hands will look and feel so good, you might be tempted to Google “how to become a hand model.”

Just sayin’.

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