The Anxiety STOP Button

The Anxiety STOP Button

 

When The Heart and The Mind disagree, it’s easy for The Heart to grab the wheel and take control: you fill with feelings of lust, grief, yearning, missing, sadness or overjoy.

 

It happens when you’re checking out new cars, and you fall in LOVE with a car that you know in your mind, is way out of budget and unpractical for you needs.

 

But, meanwhile The Heart is like "PLEASE OH GOD THIS IS THE ONE — NO OTHER CAR WILL EVER COMPARE — WE WILL REGRET THIS!" Even if, in a day or two your hearts too busy doing the same thing, over something new.

 


Hearts Learn Slow 🤷

 

This week, I passed over the photo of an old lover. The same thing happened, mind and heart in disagreement. Emotions flying in every direction, as my brain says "BOY BAD. SINGLE GOOD. STOP DOING FEELS." and this is the technique I used to calm down and stop myself from spiraling into depression and anxiety, over missing them.

 

I'll walk you through what happened, and how I handled it so that you can use this technique too.

 

The photo comes up.

 

I see his face — the heart goes into autopilot without permission.

 

He’s cute, I miss him, this photo brings up memories, I should text him- I wish he loved me- why does no one love me- why did he leave- why am I not enough?

 

*insert head exploding sound here*

 

The Heart is a powerhouse but in truth, it’s also your innocence. That’s why when we portray the heart in movies and in comics, we use a childish, foolish persona.

 

Your heart, your love, is just innocence. It wants to love and be loved and when that’s not reciprocated: the heart doesn’t have the ability to know what to do. It just wants to love on the next thing, get love from the next place, or pace around wondering why your ex wasn’t the one.

 

But you’re heart (just like you) is not alone in this world. Your innocence has a friend, a logical, thoughtful friend; the mind.

 

The Mind knows damn well: HE was NOT the one for us. He hurt heart and he’d do it again. We can do better. We should do better. Why are we wasting time here? There are other people in this world. There are better opportunities awaiting us, lets MOVE ON!

 

But in moments like this, that catch us like surprise... when a photo of someone who use to be dear enters your atmosphere, The Heart is already at the wheel. Brain was busy thinking about taxes, and work and how to wrap gifts just right so the seams don’t look ugly.

 

In moments like this, when The Heart grabs the wheel, you have POWER in being the third party to this team; you. Soul, if I may.

 

THE ANXIETY STOP BUTTON: 

In moments like this, I feel my chest clench up and my cheeks frown, and I have made it a habit to — as all healing techniques should be, habits — to go: HOLD UP, Heart, I love you, value you, appreciate you, but you’re grabbing the wheel too tight. I love you, but lighten your grip.

Mind, please help heart drive this thing. Heart cannot do it alone right now.

 

I personify my brain and heart, so that I can have internal conversation with them. So that when I feel these things I don’t go AHHH what’s wrong with ME!?

Because THAT is just more Heart Talk, circling around for validation in the wrong places.

 

This mindset shift opens up the dialog between love, logic and your souls journey to find NOT the "right" answer, but YOUR answer.

 

You'll build up compassion and love for yourself as well, by letting your heart know how much you appreciate and love it, by being patient with it, caring, kind and gentle; and in turn, being patience, kind, gentle and so on… with yourself.

 

You gain a new found power over your anxiety and depression by working together with your brain and heart to guide your decisions, emotions and actions.

Essentially, it’s a stop button I use to stop myself from spiraling into the darkest emotions. A stop button I hope you begin to use, too. 

 

Because sometimes, I just wanna have a good day— Can I get an AMEN? #EntitledToGoodDays 


And we can HAVE that good day, and bring The Heart and The Mind along too.

 

Now it's your turn! Share with me below, a time when your heart and mind had been in total disagreement. Would this exercise have helped? I'd love to know. 

 

You are oh, SO, very loved,
Brandon Love<3

 

 Original excerpt from the up and coming book, Fuck Anxiety: The Ups And Downs Of Life, And How To Heal Through Them by Brandon Love. Adjusted for blog readership. 

Previous article How to find self love (in a court room?)

Comment & let's chit chat :)

Celeste

So excited to read this and your book. Thank you for being real.

Catherine James

First off i wanted to say think you for this it’s good to know I’m not alone on this. And secondly this might have typos in this long story I’m about to type dang auto correct gets me everytime so I may sound like a doofus 😂. I was married once before this marriage for like 2-3 months my now ex hubs called the cops on me because I was super suicidal and depressed my grandmother just passed away and our marriage was a little rocky because he wasn’t ready to settle down to one lady. And this lying cheating mofo didn’t have the courage to my face to tell me he wanted a divorce
He brought a good friend of ours to tell me while itnwas admitted to the hospital and on suicide watch. Then later he came and said he didn’t want to marry and never wanted to have kids with me he didn’t want my dream. Which broke me. After I got a week later all my stuff was at my mom’s she picked me up i went to the bank on the same exact day he got paid from his job I went into our bank account and emptied it. And went shopping. Anyways a few months after I moved on with my life still heartbroken but I was healing. He had the nerve to call me up and said he wanted me back that he only said he wanted a divorce to scare me so I could straighten up. I thought about it and denied him which ticked him off. Few days later my little sister came me and admitted that when her and my mom was packing my stuff up she found some evidence where she had proof of him cheating. A year later the girl he cheated with me paid for our divorce then they got married. And I did the same. From this day I still think of him and I do still love him and it hurts so much to do any of that. What I do to cope is think about the good in the bad memories. Now that I’m more grown I realized I had more bad memories with him then good. I was better off without him the whole time. He was never meant for me. I have 2 kids and an amazing husband we just celebrated our 6 year anniversary and still deeply in love. And as for my ex husband he’s finally has a baby on the way with the trick he cheated on me with. That hurts really bad you know but it’s okay because I dodged a bullet because I could be stuck and miserable with him and missed out on two beautiful amazing kids and a husband who treats me like a queen. My love for my ex is still there but the love for my husband is better and so much more real. We been through so much death and life and it’s only made us stronger. I can Honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. And I have my husband and my God to thank for it! I’ve prayed for this life since I was a little girl and God blessed me and gave me exactly what I’ve asked for. I pray and hope you find your real love one day I know it hurts stay strong God has someone for you that’s so much more better. Stay humble and love unconditional. God bless💖💖💖💖

Wanda

Im super excited for the book. I cant wait! Yes, this has happened to me recently. Seen a picture of someone i was seeing and it just brought sooo many emotions and memories back. Like do i go back to see if theres something there with him or just stay in the relationship that im currently in. Thank you B, I needed to read this. ❤❤

Kimberly

U are an extraordinary person. I really needed this tonight. Alot of stress and anxiety relieved. Thanks B!

Mama J

So very well said love!! I have health conditions that bring anxiety and depression along for the ride~ Your timing is perfect!! Right now my living arrangements are very up in the air and anxiety has had the best of me. Your description of having a button to push is similar to the visualizations I have developed for myself over the years. I have watched you grow over the last few years in so many ways!! Best of luck with your book darling and Godspeed~ xoxo

Felicita Ramirez

I seriously needed this!

Penny

I just saw this in my emails today. Funny cause anxiety has been getting my drepression into overdrive. I dont have money for meds or doctors. And being trying to get out of for the past weeks and this message has brought a little ray of sunshine into my gray skys. Thank you so much

Jessica

Thanks for sharing I can’t wait to read the book hope I get a copy ❤️❤️

Elizabeth

Brandon,
You are such an extraordinary person. This post is so perfect. I love my mother, I do. But having a relationship with her is so toxic to my health and to my life. My heart and mind have been at battle trying to decide if I should stop all contact. I decided to the night before last. It’s hard because I know she’s my mother and I shouldn’t treat her badly but everytime I talk to her, I end up having an anxiety attack. I’m trying to have strength to do what’s best for me, but it also turns the rest of my family against me. Luckily, my husband, In-laws, and friends have been so great about it and have been able to keep me from spiraling back into depression. I love all of them and am so glad to have them helping me through this.

Melissa

Thank you so much for this💙

Leave a comment

* Required doo-dads