How to find self love (in a court room?)
The most scary thing in the world, is to be told you’re something that you know in your heart of hearts, that you’re not. To be told your intentions are different, from what you hold to be the truth.
We live in a world where we value ourselves not by our self-thoughts, or our reflection even… But by the number of likes on an instagram post, or the comments on a selfie. By how much people suck our ass online. We don’t care if they really like us, or we really belong, we just care what it seems like to the outside.
Like an addiction for validation and verification that we forgot to find within ourselves, we reach for this approval as if the intentions, and truth we hold inside our hearts is only true if validated by others.
“I’d rather be able to fall asleep at night knowing I was right in my heart, not that I was seen as right. All that matters is being at peace with who you are, not who people think you are.” - Spencer G., Team Crumble
In the last two-three years my life has really changed, I get a lot more attention than I ever thought I would. With that, I get comments from all walks of life. All intentions. All types. Some adore me, some think I’m the anti-Christ, meanwhile I’m sitting here eating Breakfast for Dinner and letting all the falsehoods fall off my back, unlike I use to.
It took a lot of time to get where I’m at, and I still for sure I let in some hurtful things, get my mood in a tangle and upset. But in a far less internally impactful way than before.
It took a lot of emotional processing, and skill development (because it IS a skill).
Here’s how I look at it: we think we’re the defendant in the courthouse of our lives.
Having to prove every trait that makes us, who we are; our kindness, honestly, trustworthiness, passion and even skillset. But here’s a TRUTH that set me free; we’re not the defendant, we, are the judge & jury in the courthouse of OUR lives.
And infront of us, battles truth and lies. And let me tell you, lies, can be so attractive; promising things our insecurities tell us we just CAN'T have: Security, money, friendship, family, love— even just plain kindness.
When Lies are promising such amazing things, especially when we’re down and out, and in need… if you JUST believe them, how’s a little lie gonna hurt?
We see this happen all over in communities, in court cases, and even high school, following the mean girls because you just HAVE to fit in. Doing and saying things that don’t define your soul, even if they define the situation your souls in.
Back to court of life: Across the stand, also sits Truth. Truth has no fluff, the reality is the reality; it’ll never tell you it promises things that it can’t: love, belonging, sex, money, family, joy. But it does something more; it sets you free to blaze your own trail.
Freedom to build the very things you lust after, and see in the crocodile smile of Lies.
Freedom is scary, you might fail. You might not be as amazing at knitting as you thought, but then you may discover you’re amazing at guitar— the truth is, Truth and Love and TRUE joy… they go hand in hand.
Leave the bullying cliques behind, leave behind the lies that you must put others down to uplift yourself; here’s a hot truth, and it’s quotable: “those who spend time pushing others aside, fall behind those who focus on moving forward.”
I spent tonight at a charity event ran by one of our amazing charities that we endorse, support and love: The Midwest Innocence Project. An organization that fights against wrongful convictions here in the Midwest.
It seems kinda random right? But here, is why it’s not… The court systems at the end of the day, are the very same halls of the high schools we use to roam. And there lives the same battle of truth and lies. Of pushing others aside to pull ourselves forward.
Tonight I got to listen to talks and hear the story of Ryan Ferguson, a fellow Missourian who was wrongfully convicted and held for nine and a half years from his family, his friends, his life… And he was I think 19? Younger than me.
While I won’t go through the whole story, there is a documentary on Netflix you should watch. And I’m about to give a spoiler but please still watch it.
Ryan was wrongfully convicted, and this is an extreme summary… He was convicted because... closing the case, and passing a sentence looked good on paper. Amazing on a resume. And eventually was a stepping stone that made one of the lawyers involved, a Missouri state judge. Who serves to this day.
There was zero evidence for Ryans involvement in the case, yet to make an example and again… look good on paper, Ryan was set at 20Million dollars bail… The record highest bail for the accused crime of his type.
My point is… We see this simple human behavior travel from the halls of schools, to the halls of our work places… To the courts where we decide the fate of thousands every year.
Choosing an internal lie is easier than choosing a reality based truth, but the easy option isn't always that easy in the long run.
Facing your inner anxieties is tough, but wielding the white hot sword of truth, while heavy, will make you invincible.
Truth is self love. Let yours in.
You are oh, SO, very loved...